# back to Buena Vista - Link: https://mywalkabout.net/back-to-buena-vista/ - Published: 2019-04-22T05:30:15-07:00 - Author: My Walkabout **I return to Buena Vista** almost one year to the day from my first visit. It should have culminated from a year of a renewed friendship, but instead was a time of healing and a renewed sense of resolve as I solidified my solo journey. I’m still working on shoveling all of the hatred out of my heart. ![](https://i1.wp.com/mywalkabout.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/IMG_5691.jpg?fit =940%2C705&ssl=1) **I strip down and scald my skin** in the natural hot springs, my eyes barely above the surface of the water. The Autumn air is just below fifty degrees. I see a reflection of my naked body, the lumps and fatty tissue that has made a permanent residence on my body as the years have gone by. _“Is that why she left?”_ I down another beer, knowing that isn’t the reason. ![](https://i2.wp.com/mywalkabout.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/CROUE0201.jpg?fit =940%2C672&ssl=1) **The golden hour of light before sunset is upon me**. I make the final turn on the lonely canyon road when the deer darts out of nowhere and collides with my vehicle. _“Did that truly just happen? Fuck…”_ The deer shakes and trembles, then raises its head and looks at me,_ into me_, then hobbles off into the forest. I feel more broken than ever. The damage to the car is minimal, but my soul is shattered. I look up into the night sky and watch a thousand stars pass over me. _“All I am seeing is death from above, the last waning light of a planet’s existence.”_ ![](https://i0.wp.com/mywalkabout.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/IMG_5666.jpg?fit =940%2C705&ssl=1) I’ve lost my sense of adventure. I sleep constantly, but always feel tired. ### Share this: * [ Email ](https://mywalkabout.net/back-to-buena-vista/?subject=%5BShared%20Post%5D%20back%20to%20Buena%20Vista&body=https%3A%2F%2Fmywalkabout.net%2Fback-to-buena-vista%2F&share=email) * [Post](https://x.com/share) * [Share on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/share) * [ WhatsApp ](https://mywalkabout.net/back-to-buena-vista/?share=jetpack-whatsapp) * [ Nextdoor ](https://mywalkabout.net/back-to-buena-vista/?share=nextdoor) * [ Threads ](https://mywalkabout.net/back-to-buena-vista/?share=threads) * [[ * [Tweet](https://twitter.com/share) * [ Reddit ](https://mywalkabout.net/back-to-buena-vista/?share=reddit) ### Like this: Like Loading…