{"id":8975,"date":"2019-04-22T05:30:15","date_gmt":"2019-04-22T12:30:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mywalkabout.net\/?p=8975"},"modified":"2021-09-30T02:50:33","modified_gmt":"2021-09-30T09:50:33","slug":"back-to-buena-vista","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mywalkabout.net\/?p=8975","title":{"rendered":"back to Buena Vista"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I return to Buena Vista<\/strong> almost one year to the day from my first visit. It should have culminated from a year of a renewed friendship, but instead was a time of healing and a renewed sense of resolve as I solidified my solo journey. I’m still working on shoveling all of the hatred out of my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I strip down and scald my skin<\/strong> in the natural hot springs, my eyes barely above the surface of the water. The Autumn air is just below fifty degrees. I see a reflection of my naked body, the lumps and fatty tissue that has made a permanent residence on my body as the years have gone by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Is that why she left?”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I down another beer, knowing that isn’t the reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The golden hour of light before sunset is upon me<\/strong>. I make the final turn on the lonely canyon road when the deer darts out of nowhere and collides with my vehicle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Did that truly just happen? Fuck…”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The deer shakes and trembles, then raises its head and looks at me, into me<\/em>, then hobbles off into the forest. I feel more broken than ever. The damage to the car is minimal, but my soul is shattered. I look up into the night sky and watch a thousand stars pass over me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“All I am seeing is death from above, the last waning light of a planet’s existence.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I’ve lost my sense of adventure. I sleep constantly, but always feel tired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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