My Walkabout

This is as real as it gets. The last intimate relationship I had been in was in 2004, and after that I swore off women.

Of course the last woman had to be Sea Bee. We haven’t really spoken for fourteen years. Earlier in 2017 she sends me a message out of the blue that she has been diagnosed with MS. She is thirty-eight years old. I am devastated, but don’t know what to do or say since we haven’t spoken in so long….

Feelings get all stirred up again, and my work has a position open. She feels stressed at her current place of employment, and I offer her a job with me. I think I’m doing her a favor, with no expectations of something starting again between us.

After her first week at work, I feel a strong re-kindling between us. It would seem that she feels the same way.

We get along like peas and carrots all through November and December of 2017, and at the end of the year, I ask her if she wants my airline companion pass so she can fly for free with me for all of 2018. I think it’s a romantic gesture. Turns out, I was wrong.

She wants to stay in the friend zone, as she tells me she isn’t dating due to dealing with MS. I get that, although I know more than most what MS brings, and am fully prepared to help her deal with it. She doesn’t believe me though.
 I take her to Las Vegas last weekend. She has never seen a show there, so I take her to go see the Cirque Du Soleil show “O”. We both love it.

Upon our return home though, something has changed. She gets flowers at work, but doesn’t tell me who they are from. A week later she asks me if that made me uncomfortable. I tell her no, but thought it was strange she didn’t tell me she was dating anyone as I thought we were good friends. She doesn’t say anything.

We used to talk/text every night but I haven’t heard from her since Vegas. We still see each other at work but it’s not the same. Maybe it’s all just been too much.

I’ve lost tons of weight lately, most likely to try to impress her, but she doesn’t care. It’s hit me that I’m not her type anymore, as I’ve aged considerably.

So now I’m stuck dear internet, and you are the only people I can share this with. The deep and dark vastness of the internet world. I will not share this post for friends and family to see, it’s only for you.

I’ve booked a trip a month this entire year, and now I think she won’t come on anymore of them with me. I’m not sure I even want her to.

What to do, what to do? I’m seeing a “psychic reader” this morning to talk about my sister that died, and perhaps she’ll have some insight into my relationship status.
 I think I’m finally ready to be close to someone, maybe that person just isn’t her….