the VLA

A friend eats a bullet on Thanksgiving because no one invited him to dinner.
He leaves a little girl behind,
wondering why.

My brother is asked to clean up the bloody mess, as no one wants to pay the crime scene cleaners.
This saddens me.
Visibly shaken, sadness draped over our shoulders.

My parents have left for eighteen months for the mid west of America.
A two hour flight, a couple days travel by car.
The siblings don’t gather every week like when they were around, and I feel the creeping distance overwhelming.

My brother that lived with me for the last five years (since my sister died), moved out to watch my parents house.
It just doesn’t feel the same at night. I keep watching the top of the staircase to see if he’ll return, knowing he won’t….

The stress at work is unbearable. Bitches spew venom and assholes pucker.
Pure insanity.

Along a desolate highway, I see a coyote crucified, hanging upside down, it’s leg punctured on the fence line.
I almost throw up.

I need to get away, to find something more.
Something larger than myself.

New Mexico’s Very Large Array was out in the middle of nowhere, a premier astronomical radio observatory that is trying to connect with our universe.
Asking questions, looking for answers.
Just like me.

As I approached one of the great satellite dishes, it moved, recalibrated, perhaps connecting to a far off star or planet.
The energy emitting from it coursed through my body, healed my sadness, and put a smile back on my face.

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