Dusting off a closed book : Chapter 2 "Abandonment"

Preface : I do not write this piece to hurt anyone, but I write to only express something about me not shared before. My hope is not to offend anyone. I love my parents very much, and thank them for helping me be the person I am today.

Chapter 2 : Abandonment

I remember bits and pieces of the day my brother and I went to a new home : Dad silently driving us there in his work vehicle, the wind whispering through tree limbs outside, my brother looking at me with a cold uncertainty. I couldn’t have been more than nine at the time, and my brother a mere 18 months younger than me.
As the car stopped in front of a strange house, my Dad, barely audible, asked for each of us to grab our bags he had packed, and to come up to the front porch with him. I thought that maybe we were going to a  new church member’s house to help with some task. When we reached the porch, a lady I never met grabbed our bags and said a few words into my father’s ear, then shut the door as she carried our stuff inside.
Dad gave both of us a hug that should have felt comforting, but instead felt like a icy shiver encasing my little body. With tears in his eyes, he told us both how much he and Mom loved us, and that we would be back home soon.
My young mind wrestled with this new concept as I watched my father pull out the driveway and down the street. He was gone.
I found out later that my two younger brothers and my sister were still living with my parents in their home. The difficult times my parents were having with their marriage was made more complicated by having all five of us under one roof. A decision had been made to separate the older two into a foster home setting so that things could be more easily dealt with.
I really do not remember how long I was in foster care.
One day in elementary school we were out playing in the school yard. I had on a shirt with a superhero on the front and back. I loved this shirt and wore it all the time to bed. I guess it was the only pajama top I had left at the foster home, which was why I wore it to school.
The jeers from other children making fun of me wearing pajamas to school was unbearable. Didn’t they know I had no choice? I had no bedroom to get other clothes, no one that I could ask for a different shirt. It was all I had. I felt so alone.
When we were reunited back home, I thought it strange that life in our family was supposed to return to normalcy. For years, pretending things were fine was harder than being abandoned in the first place.
Sometimes you can feel more alone being surrounded by others.
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3 Comments

  1. Thats such a sad, but beautiful post. A few times when I was younger I remember my step dad pretending to drive me to the childrens home to drop me off. Sticks in my head like a thorn.

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